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Saturday, August 05, 2006


THE CROSS MEL MUST BEAR

To be so rich, so brave hearted, and so drunk . . .

To be indiscriminately nailed for driving under the influence. And we all know why he was drinking that night from the pictures that were taken. We can see that glazed over look in his eyes as he balances his drink and two beautiful blonds. I suspect he was interviewing them for a Mary Magdalene supporting (with major cuppage) bit part in the sequel "Passion of the Christ II—He’s Back, and He’s not Happy.”

Let’s face it. Shit happens and then someone goes and throws it up into the fan. It’s not like it’s a mortal sin or anything. Plus, I’m sure there are so many papal “Get Out of Hell” free cards that Mel has, he’s not worried. It’s not like there will be an Inquisition or anything.

But here’s the deal, he had to get drunk. Really. Else, what else would he tell his wife and kids when he comes stumbling in. “Honey, sorry, I was too drunk to know what I was doing. In fact I was too drunk to remember what I did. Well except for those few little Jew comments.” And hopefully, the “too drunk” card will be played to not inflame his wife’s passion. I’m sure she’s heard it before, sometimes in Aramaic, in Mayan, in Latin—quite impressive. She may be still be a teeny bit angry that his Mad Jew Max roadside performance put his future performances and revenue stream in jeopardy. So now we have some performance anxiety to deal with.

I do think that he overreached on the whole Jew meme. He was just letting off steam, particularly when he sniffed out a Jew cop that was harshing his margarita mellow. Being drunk clouds your memory even your selective memory. He blames the Jews for the all the wars. I don’t know why he went on that crusading, tirading tactic. At least he regained his composure as he was being booked in county jail. He got off the Jew thing, and noticing a female deputy said “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?” Heck, he probably looks at Madonna and thinks Mary has sugar tits, in a totally, catechismically, non-hot way. It’s so sweet.


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