Lorenzo from AZ

2008-03-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

SHOWER ACTION AT THE YMCA.Ok, so I have a pet peeve with dads that bring their young kids to the Y and shower with all the rest of the guys. As normal as nakedness is to kids, it's still unnerving to most of us. Mostly I object to the inevitable toddler tug on dad's hand, the pointing, and the question "Daddy, why is his dinkie smaller than yours?"

2007-10-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

CHASE PROUD - Rainbow FestivalWe always have fun at the big events in the Spring and Fall. The Rainbow Festival is held downtown and thousands of people of all shapes, sizes, and orientation show up for the music, booth browsing, drinking beer, and people watching.Chase Bank had a big booth again this year. They are finding that there's an untapped market out there for Gay and Lesbian

2007-10-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

PERHAPS A WIDER STANCE WITH IRAN WOULD HELP?

2007-10-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

BEAUTIFUL GARAGE SALE WEATHER IN PHOENIX -- ESPECIALLY FOR ILLEGAL ALIENSI live in a predominantly white on white neighborhood in the suburbs. I've sure that most of my neighbors would just wish all the immigrants would go home--all of them--or never come across the border and clog up the barrios with all their barrio ways. However, yard sales are something different. Large number of Hispanic

2007-10-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

JENNA BUSH -- Getting Married. Her contribution.I don't know what the date is, but I just hope, hope, hope that there's enough time for her to tour the country with one of the many federally funded Abstinence Only church programs. This would be totally awesome and reflect on how well Pres. Bush can not only push funding to churches but how he can push his ideas down the genetic trail.This

2007-10-05T10:09:00.000-07:00

WHERE'S BROTHER BIN LADEN? And why aren't we seeing him in Sunday School?I was reminded of how good the Mormon Church is at tracking down lost souls, irrespective of checkered pasts (heresy, drinking coffee, soiled special underwear, going down on deacons, . . . ). The Church Elders never give up, even years later, to "maintain the integrity of the membership rolls".They tracked me down today on

2007-06-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

MY LAST STATUS REPORT IN AUTO FINANCE - There's no place like home.

2007-06-02T15:49:00.000-07:00

TWO SIGHTINGS AFTER WORK.Leaving the downtown YMCA I was walking to my car. I was aware of a lot of little squeaking sounds. It was like a bunch of kids' trikes that needed oil. The squeaks got louder as I approached my car. And then I felt a presence. I was not alone. At that point I looked up and with mouth agape saw the biggest group of bats leaving the adjacent parking garage about 8

2006-10-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

STARBUCK’S STORIES—A Single Shot Frappacino Fired I spotted a big burly guy come into Starbucks with a trucker size, stainless steel thermos. The boy was ready to spend some serious coffee dough I thought. I went back to deep intense thought about how to reflect simulated achievement with a compelling Powerpoint project status report. And then it happened. POW! And I mean POW!!.

2006-10-01T16:39:00.000-07:00

TURNING OVER A NEW PAGE - The Foley Approach I’m sure that you’ve been following all the news out of Washington about Mark Foley and his penchant for pages. Or in the Republican vernacular “No Child’s Behind Left Behind” This Foley-gayte, if you will, has the Republican House leadership’s boxer/briefs in a wad. So far it doesn’t rise to the level of Clinton’s fellatio flagrante

2006-09-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

YOU MAKE RAPE SOUND LIKE SUCH A BAD WORD . . .Coming back from Redlands on Sunday I had an occasion to stop at Jack in the Box in Blythe--a happenin' place for sure. Lots of high school and college kids enjoying the Colorado River boating activities.While munching on the fine cuisine I happened to look at the young guys queued up to use the bathroom. One of the kids had a t-shirt that I bet his

2006-09-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

I’M ON TOP! It’s official! Yesterday the UNITED STATES Post Office delivered a piece of mail to our address. I want to clearly emphasize that the U.S. Post Office is a duly authorized entity and carries out its duties in a proscribed, official way. The mail bore the first name of my companion and MY last name. That should settle everything in our household. I’m the husband; my partner

2006-09-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

MORMON STREET WALKERS As habit would have it, my flash mob happy hour group ended up at Fuel, a gay bar right on Bell Road in between strip malls and auto dealers. Cheap drinks and good friends on a Friday after work makes you think that your job is not the only one that sucks. The weather in Phoenix is starting to get tolerable, and at some point in the early evening, the bartender

2006-08-05T13:56:00.000-07:00

THE CROSS MEL MUST BEAR To be so rich, so brave hearted, and so drunk . . . To be indiscriminately nailed for driving under the influence. And we all know why he was drinking that night from the pictures that were taken. We can see that glazed over look in his eyes as he balances his drink and two beautiful blonds. I suspect he was interviewing them for a Mary Magdalene supporting (

2006-07-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

HOW DO THESE PEOPLE KNOW THIS STUFF ABOUT ME? There is a street preacher who insists that he must witness daily in whatever God given temperature and at a decibel level that competes with road construction. But without fail, as I approach him, all I hear from him is “SINNER! You have to change your life or face the consequences.” And then he starts his litany of consequences. My question

2006-07-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

BUSH is absolutely right. Snowflake babies are JUST adorable! But more importantly, the President tells us they mean that God’s will has been fulfilled. I usually don’t consider myself being so darn certain about God’s will anymore, unlike the President, but then again he’s a born leaderer. Bush vetoed the stem cell research bill last week, surrounded by a sea of snowflakes. (That

2006-07-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

SO, LIKE, WHY DON’T I FEEL SAFER NOW? Well, first, on balance, let me tell you what I DO feel safer about. I feel safer that no blastocyst citizens will be destroyed in the stem cell pursuit of cures for those icky diseases and conditions that I’m sure only happen to non-God fearing people of little faith. I feel equally safe that once we get the flag amendment enshrined in the

2006-07-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

VALLEY PSYCHIATRIST DIES - Dr. David BurgoyneI saw the nice obituary of a Valley psychiatrist that I went to for about a year when I came back from Argentina. Dr. Burgoyne passed away at age 83. When I came back from my Mormon mission I wanted to see a Mormon psychiatrist, lest a more secular person tempt me away from the only true Church and Gospel. Did not want to see any gentile (as any

2006-07-04T17:08:00.000-07:00

HOW MANY AMERICAN FLAGS WERE BURNED IN THE NORTH KOREAN MISSILE LAUNCH? I'm thinking with all the critical thinking about amending the Constitution to address the rampant flag burning going on, Congress and the Administration has been a bit preoccupied to spend much time worrying about our national security. If Bush could somehow link the missile launch today with the flag desecration, Korea

2006-06-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

I'VE NEVER WATCHED C.S.I., BUT . . .I saw this on CNN today. Note my emphasis.------------------------------ CNN 6/16/06 BOISE, Idaho (AP) -- A man transporting his wife's severed head in a pickup truck collided with an oncoming car, killing a woman and her 4-year-old daughter, police said. The impact sent the head flying onto the road. A Boise police officer was driving behind Alofa Time's

2006-06-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

"It’s not the gays that are a threat to my marriage; it’s the women that want to sleep with my husband." From a New Yorker cartoon, depicting a group of women chatting about current events with cocktails. I’m reminded of this cartoon as I listen to all the crazy-zaniness in Congress as several conservatives reach hyperbolic apoplexy over this “attack” on marriage. Ergo, let’s change the

2006-06-04T13:36:00.000-07:00

DIRECTOR OF HOMO-LAND INSECURITY, A Division of Homeland Security I’ve heard that in addition to pushing for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, that Bush will create a sub-cabinet director position for Homo Land Insecurity, to continue to fight the queer agenda and related Powerpoints. Quite properly, this division will be used to eradicate the homosexual terrorist threats

2005-12-11T07:41:00.000-08:00

UNCLE DOUG'S PASSING - His history(It's not often I get to give a Top Ten list and then get the congregation to break into a showtune at a funeral.)Here are my remarksINTROHi, my name is Lorin. Doug is my uncle. I don’t want you to think I have a big ego or anything, but if it weren’t for me, I don’t that we would have gotten to know Doug for some or all of his 58 years. Let me explain.

2005-11-03T18:57:00.000-08:00

WEAPON OF ASS DESTRUCTIONThis turned out to be lasagne afterall. In Argentina.Bush and other world leaders were in Rio Plata, Argentina for an economic summit this week, when several of the 700 crack military special guard were AWOL due to food poisoning. The lasagne at a favorite restaurant that caters to the troops was the likely cause.Loosely put, the world leaders' security was jeopardized

2005-10-25T21:22:00.000-07:00

Halloween Candy -- Is it really a "fun size"?It's that time of year again. Time to feed the sugar starved kids in the neighborhood, and for that matter the adjacent 4 ZIPCODES. But I'm always tickled by the marketing mavens for the candy bar manufacturers. "Let's see, if we shrink the candy bar to 1/4 its normal size (which is probably family size), what do we call it? I know. Fun size. It's just

2005-02-23T19:15:00.000-08:00

CUTTING WITH THE AXES OF EVILI guess it was no big surprize that the Pope, jumped up out of his sonambulistic state to write a book condeming homosexual marriage as the "Ideology of Evil." I know that the world was running low on evils, so it was important to strike while the canon was hot.But I don't know much about this evil thing. I almost think the running of one of the largest organized

2004-10-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO PAT ROBERTSON: Give God and Bush a Break Already. Geez, Louise. You don't need to be snappin' your bible belt to our President because of his comments to you before the war. If he said that there would be no casualties in the Iraq war, I'm sure he meant it in the sense of "Well, no casualties to speak of." or a whole lot less American casualties than innocent Iraqi civilian ones. OR,

2004-09-04T10:01:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO SELF: File This in the EEEEEEWWWW folder. The paper today reported that Rush Limbaugh, that oxyincontinent guy, is dating the foxy Daryn Kagan, one of the morning anchors for CNN live. Maybe it just took a femi-Nazi to get him to drop his guard. And I don't want to even think about what else he may have dropped around her. Well, I guess I do afterall. I wonder if they're to the

2004-09-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

NATIONAL SOUTHERN (DECADENCE) BAPTIST CONVENTION, Sept 6-10 NEW ORLEANS http://www.nationalbaptist.com/Index.cfm?FuseAction=Page&PageID=1000309 Nothin' gets me thinking more about my commitment to conservative values as much as hanging out on Bourbon Street, drinking Pat O'Brien's famous Hurricaines. I'm told there is no alcohol in these fruity drinks, and you get to keep the little umbrella.

2004-01-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

CNN REPORTS: SEX IS GOOD FOR A HEALTHY HEART http://www.time.com/time/2004/sex/article/sexual_healing_what_fee01a.html?cnn=yes CNN titteringly covered an article in Time magazine about the healing and exercising benefits of having sex. OK. This tells me that some group of scientists actually got funding to survey this. Way to score, dudes! Basically, all the energy expended in doing the deed

2004-01-09T21:19:00.000-08:00

GREAT EXPECTATIONS – 2004 OK, so it’s that time of year again to develop goals and action plans. Resolutions are so last millennium. And certainly I have plenty to goal about given I’m not where I want to be in a lot of different existential components. When I think about whether I want to go through this annual ritual, there’s always that nagging question of “why bother?” What I know from

2004-01-08T22:31:00.000-08:00

I'M RECONSIDERING MY POSITION ON GAY MARRIAGE. I used to think that it would be a civil way to recognize the lives of people who are in a committed relationship. BUT NO MORE! Why would I expect gay men and lesbians to want to participate in this institution after Britney and her boyhood boy-toy bounced their way down the aisle. They were married for 55 hours. Hell, sometimes that may not

2003-12-15T21:54:00.000-08:00

QUEER EYE FOR THE DEPOSED DICTATOR GUY Oh my God! He looked terrible. Clearly there were no mirrors in his spider hole, but I think the Fab Five Queer Guys need to give Saddam a makeover. If he's going to be showing up for court hearings, he needs to look good. I mean that Abe Lincoln look is so 19th Century.

2003-11-09T22:09:00.000-08:00

THERE BUT FOR THE “WILL & GRACE” OF GOD GO I . . . The Episcopal Church ordained its first openly gay bishop, Gene Robinson, in New Hampshire last week, and opened up a schismatic charismatic. I think we can all gain words of wisdom from a respected source. And here’s to you Mr. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know. God bless you, please Mr. Robinson. Heaven holds a place for

2003-10-12T14:03:00.000-07:00

RUSH JOB: SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET SMACKED I pulled the following off of a blogger site, and this was one of the commentors, titled: What would Rush Do? When determining how judgemental and moralizing I should be toward others, I always ask myself, "What Would Rush Do?" Sep. 23, 1993: "If there's a line of cocaine here, I have to make the choice to go down and sniff it [...] If there were a gun

2003-09-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

DR. LAURA’S ABOMINATIONS (Some of the questions I struggle with) Dr. Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following letter to Dr. Laura, author unknown, was

2003-09-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

Baby Shower I went to Redlands last weekend to attend my daughter’s Baby Shower for her second child. She’s undeniably pregnant. Doctor gives her about 3 more weeks, if that. She got all dressed up for the party in pants and a top Http://members.cox.net/lshelley/family/Lisa_092003a.JPG and asked her husband, “Honey, does this top make me look fat?” Experienced in the subtleties of Mars

2003-09-09T23:50:00.000-07:00

FOREVER YOUNG – Grandma passed away at 93. Grandma passed away when she was only 93 years young. It would have been important to Grandma to emphasize the young aspect. I know that her young outlook enhanced her appeal to friends of various ages. One Saturday some years ago, after Pete had died, I was in Mesa, so I thought it would be nice to visit Grandma at her house on Beverly--more so

2003-09-03T22:45:00.000-07:00

SOUTHERN DECADENCE, A Gay Tribute to Mardi Gras Southern Decadence brings in over 100,000 gays, mostly men, to New Orleans in the ugliest time of the season to party in the French Quarter—Labor Day weekend. Humidity is at the highest. It rains every day. And it’s hot. Very, very hot. The event took on a special, non-weather challenge in it’s 31st year because of a small, but very vocal,

2003-08-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

THINGS WILL BE QUIET THIS WEEKEND--HEADING TO NEW ORLEANS I'm taking paper and pen to capture the charm of the city and record what I can. Have a great weekend everyone.

2003-08-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

ALABAMA’S BIG TEN COMMANDMENTS MOVED FROM THE COURTHOUSE The sneaky little bastards snuk in quietly and moved the 2.6 tons of granite commandments to a less public place in the courthouse. I was holding out for the mustard seed group, those with the faith that could move mountains, to lend a helping faith hand. But symbolism was lost on this crowd. I’m always amazed at the cognitive

2003-08-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

TOXIC FAITH SYNDROME The Alabama Ayatollahs are still at the Courthouse. These guys have got their panties in a wad over two tons of rock. Of rock for Chrissakes! Lots of carrying on in the streets, and this is a big deal. Unfortunately, from what little I remember from my Bible reading, Jesus took apart the Pharisees for making loud, public demonstrations of faith so everyone in the town

2003-08-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

MOSES AND THE TEN SUGGESTIONS for Alabama Boy, judging by the fervor flying in a courthouse in Alabama, you’d think we were entering the End Times, or Pre-Tribulation period when God would visit those of us remaining and smite us with his vengeance, clearly upping the snap of the puny Shock and Awe campaign that Rumsfeld throttled out to win the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people. I’m sure

2003-08-23T14:52:00.000-07:00

YES, WE HAVE NO GAS Well it’s been another week in Lake Gas-Be-Gone, Phoenix, Arizona, my hometown. The gas crisis in Arizona and then the little power problem back East someplace the week before made me feel a sense of the Iraquinizing of America, sort of the Clintonian “I feel your pain”. Imagine living without reliable power and having to put up with long lines at the gas pump. That’s

2003-08-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THESE GAY SHOWS? Everywhere you turn there’s some new show with openly gay characters or theme. I’m quite enjoying the “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” where 5 gay, richly nuanced men mend the ways of a hetero. I also like the “Boy Meets Boy” dating show where there’s a heightened sense of daring as there are a couple of hets passing as homos in the line-up. I like these,

2003-08-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

I SADLY REPORT . . . . . . that not enough of you came through for me to mount a serious challenge to the other governor wannabees for California. I just don’t get it. I speak with an American accent. I’m not an out-of-touch millionaire, and I’ve never done porn or sitcoms. Ok, fine!. So much for my dreams of a CAmelot. I feel like spending some time pouting in an undisclosed location

2003-08-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

HELP! I need your support NOW! Today is the last day for submitting an application for California governor. I withdrew the balance of my 401k after the last market dip to get the $3,500 needed for application. Now I just need 65 signatures (or email acknowledgements) of people who can attest to my qualifications for office in a, you know, a Gary Coleman sort of way. Don’t worry that I’m not

2003-08-03T13:45:00.000-07:00

Osama bin Forgotten I finally navigated through my way to the White House feedback site with what I think is an idea no one has bubbled up to the president. Osama is hiding in an undisclosed location. Saddam is hiding in an undisclosed location. Who else do we know that periodically hides in an undisclosed location? Cheney! And anyone in the FBI's Witness Protection Program (WPP). So I

2003-08-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

The Sanctity of Marriage The poor gays are taking a master beating when you have Bush and the Pope, like the modern day Power Rangers, standing firm against gays. They both want to affirm the sanctity of man on woman marriage, otherwise, where would kids come from? Why stop at gay. Bush should be his global warming, take-no-prisoners agressive for this holy cause. I George W. Bush do hereby

2003-07-31T08:53:00.000-07:00

Pope Launches Campaign Against Gay Marriage Why? Doesn't the clergy think that they wouldn't have a problem with priestly child abuse if they were just able to get rid of all those god fearin', Holy Father lovin' homos in the Church? Therefore, if gays were allowed to be married and priests could only be single men, doesn't it follow that the Church would have solved their 'problem' in their

2003-07-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

Gay High School in New York City http://www.cnn.com/2003/EDUCATION/07/28/gay.school.ap/index.html Oh if Jerry Falwell were dead and buried, he’d be turning over in his grave. Well, if he were really dead, he wouldn’t be turning now would he? But regardless, the news on Tuesday did not bode well. New York has started a gay high school. But the whole prospectc leaves me with some questions.

2003-07-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

Aunt Bertha Today was Aunt Bertha’s funeral. She died at the age of 77. Some time back she had written a short history of her life that two of her daughters read for the congregation. Aunt Bertha was always a fairly reserved woman, and as they said in the service, she liked to stay in the background. So hearing her words that had so much life from her past took away some of the sorrow of

2003-07-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

PISS ACTION ON THE ROAD I’ve been seeing a lot of peeing on the road. Mostly on the back windows of trucks and a few S.U.V.s. I think it all started innocently enough with guys, proud of their toys, disdainful (granted that might be a big word for these guys) of owners of Fords or Chevys or Dodges or clearly anything Japanese. Lately though, I’ve seen this piss action morph into a more

2003-07-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

Hot Yoga Workout – A Summertime event in Phoenix OK, here’s the deal. For $12 a session you get to do Power Yoga for 90 minutes at 110 degrees with humidifiers throwing out moisture. No matter that this is Phoenix and it’s 110 degrees outside. Ostensibly, it’s to let you be more flexible in your various poses and stretching. Realistically, I think it’s to sell bottled water. Most of the

2003-07-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

So when the Italian prime minister, Berlusconi, spends time with the President at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, does Bush throw a big State BBQ? And then I wonder if Bush goads Silvio into using his hands to tear all the meat off those juicy ribs? Bene, bene. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2003-07-21T23:30:00.000-07:00

Phoenix, 7/17/03: Arizona Crime Scene I need to check with the N.B.P.S.A (National Battery Powered Saw Association) to see if they have a heavily funded Washington lobby, lest I be censured (or drawn and quartered) for bringing up this local crime event. The Arizona Republic reported that police arrested a drunk, angry man who had cut off his friend’s thumb during an argument over a door being

2003-07-19T21:09:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Lorenzo's first public blogging. I hope to make this as painless as possible.