Friday, August 01, 2003
The Sanctity of Marriage
The poor gays are taking a master beating when you have Bush and the Pope, like the modern day Power Rangers, standing firm against gays. They both want to affirm the sanctity of man on woman marriage, otherwise, where would kids come from? Why stop at gay. Bush should be his global warming, take-no-prisoners agressive for this holy cause.
I George W. Bush do hereby sanctify holy marriage by asking Congress to enact legislation to
oppose gay marriage
annul any marriage that was directly related to a TV show (The Bachelor, Who Wants to Marry my Dad, Temptation Island)
make it a crime for an Elvis impersonator to ever marry a man and a woman
outlaw divorce (sanctity is not to be trifled with by 50% of the sanctimonious)
require newly marrieds to conceive within the first two years of the marriage or the marriage contract is terminated
make spousal abuse a crime (well, make it more of a crime, I guess, in a penal sort of way)
prohibit any marriage that involves a post menopausal woman (like who are they kidding?)
and, as Justin Scalia correctly articulated when he was apoplectic about the slippery slope of sodomy, enforce the laws against masturbation (seed is not to be spilt lightly, Genesis 38:8-10)
If Bush did this, and if he got the Pope to make a moving speech in Congress, no upright member of Congress could resist. Email me if you can think of other ways to sanctify the institution.
The poor gays are taking a master beating when you have Bush and the Pope, like the modern day Power Rangers, standing firm against gays. They both want to affirm the sanctity of man on woman marriage, otherwise, where would kids come from? Why stop at gay. Bush should be his global warming, take-no-prisoners agressive for this holy cause.
I George W. Bush do hereby sanctify holy marriage by asking Congress to enact legislation to
oppose gay marriage
annul any marriage that was directly related to a TV show (The Bachelor, Who Wants to Marry my Dad, Temptation Island)
make it a crime for an Elvis impersonator to ever marry a man and a woman
outlaw divorce (sanctity is not to be trifled with by 50% of the sanctimonious)
require newly marrieds to conceive within the first two years of the marriage or the marriage contract is terminated
make spousal abuse a crime (well, make it more of a crime, I guess, in a penal sort of way)
prohibit any marriage that involves a post menopausal woman (like who are they kidding?)
and, as Justin Scalia correctly articulated when he was apoplectic about the slippery slope of sodomy, enforce the laws against masturbation (seed is not to be spilt lightly, Genesis 38:8-10)
If Bush did this, and if he got the Pope to make a moving speech in Congress, no upright member of Congress could resist. Email me if you can think of other ways to sanctify the institution.
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