Lorenzo from AZ

Starbucks Stories.  I spend a lot of time at Starbucks working remotely to get away from the house and get caffeine inspired.  One of the things I notice is that Starbucks is a popular place for first blind dates.  I see a lot of middle aged people carrying on conversations of exploration.   They obviously feel they have a cone of silence around them they seem to totally unaware that anyone close can hear some  painful, wincing conversation.  The best example of a bad example was a couple probably in their 50s. The guy was going on about how lousy his ex-wife was.  (Clue #1 that this was not going to end well).  The woman was very patient.  Then, as if to prove his point, the man said "it's because of her that my two sons are in prison.  Really"  Really?  Did you just say that?  I'm not sure she finished her caramel machiado.  And at that it lasted longer, than this budding relationship did.

SHOWER ACTION AT THE YMCA.

Ok, so I have a pet peeve with dads that bring their young kids to the Y and shower with all the rest of the guys. As normal as nakedness is to kids, it's still unnerving to most of us. Mostly I object to the inevitable toddler tug on dad's hand, the pointing, and the question "Daddy, why is his dinkie smaller than yours?"

CHASE PROUD - Rainbow Festival

We always have fun at the big events in the Spring and Fall. The Rainbow Festival is held downtown and thousands of people of all shapes, sizes, and orientation show up for the music, booth browsing, drinking beer, and people watching.



Chase Bank had a big booth again this year. They are finding that there's an untapped market out there for Gay and Lesbian customers. The bank staff was giving away a lot of free stuff and even temporary tattoos. These boys who were advertising for another event must have stopped by the Chase tent.

Check out the blue Chase logo "portal" that the bank spent $2.5 million in marketing on. I think the marketing significance (a circle of service, a forward turning cycle to new products and new customers, a unifying center of focus that makes customers comfortable they are within the portal) was lost on these boys. Well, um, maybe not.

PERHAPS A WIDER STANCE WITH IRAN WOULD HELP?

BEAUTIFUL GARAGE SALE WEATHER IN PHOENIX -- ESPECIALLY FOR ILLEGAL ALIENS

I live in a predominantly white on white neighborhood in the suburbs. I've sure that most of my neighbors would just wish all the immigrants would go home--all of them--or never come across the border and clog up the barrios with all their barrio ways. However, yard sales are something different. Large number of Hispanic families come by to browse and buy at the sales.

So as much as the neighbors find health care for Hispanic children abhorrent, we are talking making some serious cash now from your garage junk. That would be different. Or "diferente" they might say with a smile.

To that end, one of the neighbors made a cardboard sign to attract Hispanics and make it crystal clear what was going on. "SALE YARDA". Ya, see, Spanish ain't that hard. Just add an "a" at the end of the word, and it all makes sense. It may be ironic that "idiota" works the same way.

Hasta luego.

JENNA BUSH -- Getting Married. Her contribution.

I don't know what the date is, but I just hope, hope, hope that there's enough time for her to tour the country with one of the many federally funded Abstinence Only church programs. This would be totally awesome and reflect on how well Pres. Bush can not only push funding to churches but how he can push his ideas down the genetic trail.

This could be quite an event. And maybe totally HOT! I want to hear abstinence stories! How young men and women were tempted, but because these very successfully funded programs were in place, there was no beating around the bush, virginity rocks!

But I would want more details if it's my tax dollars. How far did you have to go before "no" or "NO!" or "Oh my God. NO, not with that thing!" And Jenna could clear up the seemingly widespread mis-perception that giving head to your boyfriend is OK as look as he doesn't put his thingie in your whatever. She could explain how she has handled her many boyfriends. THAT, would be insightful. And would cause the people to swell at her tours. I mean the members to swell. I mean the number of members attending these talks to swell. Swell.

So I am thinking about starting a draft movement to let everyone see Bush at her best.

WHERE'S BROTHER BIN LADEN?
And why aren't we seeing him in Sunday School?

I was reminded of how good the Mormon Church is at tracking down lost souls, irrespective of checkered pasts (heresy, drinking coffee, soiled special underwear, going down on deacons, . . . ). The Church Elders never give up, even years later, to "maintain the integrity of the membership rolls".

They tracked me down today on my cell phone while I was at Starbucks, and they were doing skip tracing on my erstwhile Mormon sister who hasn't attended their church for years (me, for decades). They knew her married name and everything. Jesus!

So, in the interest of national security, can we just turn these guys loose on tracking down Osama? Once they locate him, send out two Mormon missionaries on bikes to whatever family home Osama is broadcasting from, explain the values they share: no booze, yes to multiple wives, no homos, and being so damn sure about everything. Just ask Mitt.

Think about it.

MY LAST STATUS REPORT IN AUTO FINANCE - There's no place like home.

TWO SIGHTINGS AFTER WORK.

Leaving the downtown YMCA I was walking to my car. I was aware of a lot of little squeaking sounds. It was like a bunch of kids' trikes that needed oil. The squeaks got louder as I approached my car. And then I felt a presence. I was not alone. At that point I looked up and with mouth agape saw the biggest group of bats leaving the adjacent parking garage about 8 stories up. I'm assuming that bats travel in flocks? But there must have been over 100 bats squeaking and flapping their little bat wings overhead.

At that point, I thought my awe mouth agape should be closed, lest something drop. And then, like a flock of geese this huge group of bats in formation head for the sunset. It was an impressive yet slightly disturbing sight, so I watched them disappear in the distance.

I thought that would be the unusual sighting for the day. I was wrong.

After the bat sunset, I stopped at Circle K on 7th Ave and Roosevelt. This is always kind of a dicey, slice of urban life, hangout. And true to form the place was packed, a long line because one of the clerks felt compelled to empty trash. All I wanted was water, but had to stand in a long line. After standing awhile and imperceptible movement, a lady behind me asks if she can get a head of me in the line. She had been working since 1:00am that morning and was really tired. As I talked to her, my scan noted: older lady, missing most of top front teeth, saggy boobs in big halter top, dirty capri pants, holding onto a big green keg can of beer. "I just want to go home put my feet up, light up a cigarette, and drink this beer."

I moved aside so she could move up in the line. Doing so triggered her personal history lesson for me.

"I am part German, Irish, American, and Cherokee, and damn proud of it!"

"I grew up in Nebraska. My name is Adrienne. Tammy Wynette is my sister."

"I met my cripple husband in a hospital. I used to be a Red Cross nurse."

"I used to drive a truck, but since the accident I can't drive any more."

"Say, you look like a nice man. I'm turning 50 on December 18. Alright!"

Finally, she got up to pay for her beer, but the clerk wouldn't sell it to her because she had out of state ID; and they have had liquor citations. But believe me, there's no one that would confuse her with underage. And not many would buy that she had not seen her 50th birthday already.

So after all that waiting, she left disgusted and her money on the counter and started out the door. I called to her to get her money, and she came back, and left.

As I drove off the parking lot, I saw her hook up with a guy in a wheelchair on the sidewalk. Now I am wishing that I would have bought her that can of beer. I know that just having a cold beer at the end of a tough day let's you keep a perspective so you don't lose more of your mind.

I can't speak for the bats.