Tuesday, September 30, 2003
DR. LAURA’S ABOMINATIONS
(Some of the questions I struggle with)
Dr. Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following letter to Dr. Laura, author unknown, was posted on the Internet.
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ..... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I
have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6. Eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10. Is it a lesser abomination than homosexuality? I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
(Some of the questions I struggle with)
Dr. Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following letter to Dr. Laura, author unknown, was posted on the Internet.
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ..... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I
have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6. Eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10. Is it a lesser abomination than homosexuality? I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Baby Shower
I went to Redlands last weekend to attend my daughter’s Baby Shower for her second child. She’s undeniably pregnant. Doctor gives her about 3 more weeks, if that. She got all dressed up for the party in pants and a top
Http://members.cox.net/lshelley/family/Lisa_092003a.JPG
and asked her husband, “Honey, does this top make me look fat?” Experienced in the subtleties of Mars and Venus communication issues, he said, “No, not at all. You look great.” He dodged another one. Good going, Jay.
Dealing with a 4 year old
Catherine was happy to see me when I pulled in the driveway in Redlands. She ran over and gave me a big hug. Then she asked “Poppa, why did you get your hair cut in the front of your head?” She must have thought it odd to see more scalp and less hair than most of the other dads and boys she hangs with. I’ll save the discussion on receding hairline, Rogaine, and how some women think bald men are sexy, until she’s five.
Homerian Influence.
Lisa told Catherine that she had done some small thing wrong, and rather than argue, she just said “Doh!” Is that in the dictionary yet?
I went to Redlands last weekend to attend my daughter’s Baby Shower for her second child. She’s undeniably pregnant. Doctor gives her about 3 more weeks, if that. She got all dressed up for the party in pants and a top
Http://members.cox.net/lshelley/family/Lisa_092003a.JPG
and asked her husband, “Honey, does this top make me look fat?” Experienced in the subtleties of Mars and Venus communication issues, he said, “No, not at all. You look great.” He dodged another one. Good going, Jay.
Dealing with a 4 year old
Catherine was happy to see me when I pulled in the driveway in Redlands. She ran over and gave me a big hug. Then she asked “Poppa, why did you get your hair cut in the front of your head?” She must have thought it odd to see more scalp and less hair than most of the other dads and boys she hangs with. I’ll save the discussion on receding hairline, Rogaine, and how some women think bald men are sexy, until she’s five.
Homerian Influence.
Lisa told Catherine that she had done some small thing wrong, and rather than argue, she just said “Doh!” Is that in the dictionary yet?
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
FOREVER YOUNG – Grandma passed away at 93.
Grandma passed away when she was only 93 years young. It would have been important to Grandma to emphasize the young aspect. I know that her young outlook enhanced her appeal to friends of various ages.
One Saturday some years ago, after Pete had died, I was in Mesa, so I thought it would be nice to visit Grandma at her house on Beverly--more so because it was about lunch time. When I got there, I found a new friend of Grandma’s had a similar idea slightly ahead of me. He was probably 10 to 15 years her junior.
Ever the gracious host, Grandma proceeded to make us both lunch, busying herself in the kitchen while I chatted with her friend. Her new friend had his back to the kitchen, but from where I sat, I could see Grandma was mixing up something in a bowl, while at the same time trying to get my attention.
I finally connected with the words that she was carefully mouthing to me behind her friend’s back: “Don’t tell him how old I am.”
Without a doubt, Grandma was the youngest 93 year old I have ever known.
GRANDMA--Lifting a Face
Some years back, Grandma decided to have a little facelift in keeping with the young theme. Shortly after the surgery Aunt Karen stopped by and she feigned surprize at the way Grandma's face looked right after surgery.
"Mom, what happend to your face. How did you get those bruises on the sides of your face?"
Grandma quickly answered, "Oh, I was just in a little car accident and my head hit the dashboard."
Aunt Karen, being the unmerciful person she is, had to pursue it. "But, Mom, you've got bruises on both side of you face."
"Well . . . I must have hit this side of my head on the dash, then the car lurched, my head turned, and I came down on the other side of the side." Everyone "bought it" and it was never mentioned again. Well, until now.
Grandma Rocks!
Grandma passed away when she was only 93 years young. It would have been important to Grandma to emphasize the young aspect. I know that her young outlook enhanced her appeal to friends of various ages.
One Saturday some years ago, after Pete had died, I was in Mesa, so I thought it would be nice to visit Grandma at her house on Beverly--more so because it was about lunch time. When I got there, I found a new friend of Grandma’s had a similar idea slightly ahead of me. He was probably 10 to 15 years her junior.
Ever the gracious host, Grandma proceeded to make us both lunch, busying herself in the kitchen while I chatted with her friend. Her new friend had his back to the kitchen, but from where I sat, I could see Grandma was mixing up something in a bowl, while at the same time trying to get my attention.
I finally connected with the words that she was carefully mouthing to me behind her friend’s back: “Don’t tell him how old I am.”
Without a doubt, Grandma was the youngest 93 year old I have ever known.
GRANDMA--Lifting a Face
Some years back, Grandma decided to have a little facelift in keeping with the young theme. Shortly after the surgery Aunt Karen stopped by and she feigned surprize at the way Grandma's face looked right after surgery.
"Mom, what happend to your face. How did you get those bruises on the sides of your face?"
Grandma quickly answered, "Oh, I was just in a little car accident and my head hit the dashboard."
Aunt Karen, being the unmerciful person she is, had to pursue it. "But, Mom, you've got bruises on both side of you face."
"Well . . . I must have hit this side of my head on the dash, then the car lurched, my head turned, and I came down on the other side of the side." Everyone "bought it" and it was never mentioned again. Well, until now.
Grandma Rocks!
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
SOUTHERN DECADENCE, A Gay Tribute to Mardi Gras
Southern Decadence brings in over 100,000 gays, mostly men, to New Orleans in the ugliest time of the season to party in the French Quarter—Labor Day weekend. Humidity is at the highest. It rains every day. And it’s hot. Very, very hot.
The event took on a special, non-weather challenge in it’s 31st year because of a small, but very vocal, group of religious fundamentalists from outside the French Quarter, led by the appropriately named Rev. Storm. His goal was to blow into the Quarter and clean up Bourbon Street, and particularly the few blocks on Bourbon (homo hangouts to the Reverend) where some proud boys would observe the Mardi Gras custom of dropping trousers for beads.
The police have been pestered to be get more excited about lawbreakers this year. But it’s not really challenging or interesting police work, let alone collecting the evidence. The police could just look for the guy with the most beads and wait for 45 seconds as he works the balcony crowds for more cheap beads, and the police would know that they ‘re headed for trouser trouble.
Reverend Storm was not content to snake his way through the packed streets, brushing against hot, sweaty, bare-chested boys with just his big bullhorn bellowing, but he thought that two of his minions, his Storm troopers, carrying 10 ft tall placards with Bible verses would sway the crowd. The signs talked about the “wages of sins” and then Levitical admonitions about lying down with a man. I don’t know if Storm thought his mastery of the Scriptures (if not always his grammar) and forcefulness would sway these swishers and sodomites or he just wanted media coverage. Let me think about that . . . . OK, Media coverage. Over the course of the 3 day event, some homo heretics started following his Storm troopers with their own improvised signs.
More Madonna, Less Jesus.
Reverend, get off my back if you don’t want to play.
Where can I buy those Leviticus 501’s?
Storm only gives lip service to Sodom.
Do the Wages of Sin have FICA withheld?
So lying with a man is bad. How about just kneeling?
The Reverend’s entourage was clearly not ready for what they were up against. When Storm got to the nexus of the competing dance bars on Bourbon street with full, mega powered techno music blaring out of every open door and window, the Reverend’s horn was no match for the professional sound systems dominating the street. Or a bar would play an ABBA number which would cause the majority of the sweaty street crowd to sing along at the tops of their lungs. No Storm converts this weekend.
Grandma Grouches
Another more subtle tactic that the Reverend used was to station stern looking grandmothers, with tightly pulled back hair, at various iniquitous intersections. These old women would stand there and look disapprovingly on the crowd. It was a downer for awhile, but then some guys started shouting “Grandma, show us your tits!” and then some guys would walk by, collaring the women with beads. Whether they got tired of the attention, or got embarrassed that the Reverend might think they had “earned” the beads, they slowly disappeared. Just as well, the bars don’t close ever this weekend.
Southern Decadence brings in over 100,000 gays, mostly men, to New Orleans in the ugliest time of the season to party in the French Quarter—Labor Day weekend. Humidity is at the highest. It rains every day. And it’s hot. Very, very hot.
The event took on a special, non-weather challenge in it’s 31st year because of a small, but very vocal, group of religious fundamentalists from outside the French Quarter, led by the appropriately named Rev. Storm. His goal was to blow into the Quarter and clean up Bourbon Street, and particularly the few blocks on Bourbon (homo hangouts to the Reverend) where some proud boys would observe the Mardi Gras custom of dropping trousers for beads.
The police have been pestered to be get more excited about lawbreakers this year. But it’s not really challenging or interesting police work, let alone collecting the evidence. The police could just look for the guy with the most beads and wait for 45 seconds as he works the balcony crowds for more cheap beads, and the police would know that they ‘re headed for trouser trouble.
Reverend Storm was not content to snake his way through the packed streets, brushing against hot, sweaty, bare-chested boys with just his big bullhorn bellowing, but he thought that two of his minions, his Storm troopers, carrying 10 ft tall placards with Bible verses would sway the crowd. The signs talked about the “wages of sins” and then Levitical admonitions about lying down with a man. I don’t know if Storm thought his mastery of the Scriptures (if not always his grammar) and forcefulness would sway these swishers and sodomites or he just wanted media coverage. Let me think about that . . . . OK, Media coverage. Over the course of the 3 day event, some homo heretics started following his Storm troopers with their own improvised signs.
More Madonna, Less Jesus.
Reverend, get off my back if you don’t want to play.
Where can I buy those Leviticus 501’s?
Storm only gives lip service to Sodom.
Do the Wages of Sin have FICA withheld?
So lying with a man is bad. How about just kneeling?
The Reverend’s entourage was clearly not ready for what they were up against. When Storm got to the nexus of the competing dance bars on Bourbon street with full, mega powered techno music blaring out of every open door and window, the Reverend’s horn was no match for the professional sound systems dominating the street. Or a bar would play an ABBA number which would cause the majority of the sweaty street crowd to sing along at the tops of their lungs. No Storm converts this weekend.
Grandma Grouches
Another more subtle tactic that the Reverend used was to station stern looking grandmothers, with tightly pulled back hair, at various iniquitous intersections. These old women would stand there and look disapprovingly on the crowd. It was a downer for awhile, but then some guys started shouting “Grandma, show us your tits!” and then some guys would walk by, collaring the women with beads. Whether they got tired of the attention, or got embarrassed that the Reverend might think they had “earned” the beads, they slowly disappeared. Just as well, the bars don’t close ever this weekend.
